What’s Influencing Your Reactions – You Or Your Ego?

During my recent 10-day silent meditation retreat, one thing became very clear—the Ego loves to play its games, especially when left alone with your own mind. Whether you’re facing a challenge, trying something new, or someone else does something that irritates or “triggers” you, the Ego seizes the opportunity to take control. This often leads to a lot of negativity and unnecessary problems.

Two key ways the Ego causes trouble are through what Vipassana meditation calls ‘Craving and Aversion.’ Craving is wanting more of something—pleasure, praise, status, money, power. Aversion is hating or resisting something—a task, a person, an event, or a situation. In both cases, the Ego wants reality to be different than it actually is. This is when dissatisfaction, greed, blame, or criticism arise.

I noticed this constantly on retreat—craving lunch while trying to meditate, wishing the person next to me would stop coughing. It’s easy to see these patterns in daily life too—when someone else’s idea is chosen over yours, when your boss or friend disagrees with you, when a colleague gets promoted instead of you, or when you justify complaining about a person or situation. The Ego wants things to be how you want them, not how they are.

But when the Ego drives craving and aversion, it leaves you angry, anxious, unsettled, unhappy, and suffering. Worse, it blames others and the outside world for this suffering, when in reality, the suffering lives inside you.

Taking Responsibility: Choosing Your Response

One of the clearest teachings from the retreat was this: difficult people and situations will always arise, but you are 100% responsible for your response. This doesn’t mean you’re responsible for what happens around you. It means you are fully accountable for how you respond.

Being responsible doesn’t mean letting others walk over you. Rather, it means choosing your response consciously—not reacting automatically. You can respond in a healthier, happier, more creative, caring, positive, and peaceful way.

Here’s a tip: The Ego thrives on your anger, defensiveness, and self-justification. But an unhealthy Ego can’t survive when you become open and curious. So the next time your Ego heats up, pause and ask yourself:

1. What is my Ego scared of or trying to defend right now? (The Ego hates being watched!)

2. What might be going on for the other person? What does it feel like to be in their shoes?

There’s an old English saying, “Curiosity killed the cat,” but in this case, curiosity kills the Ego.