What’s Influencing Your Reactions – You Or Your Ego?

"So, I recently went on a 10-day silent meditation retreat, and the Ego arises! Spending 10 days in silence with only your mind as a companion gives the Ego a chance to play its games…"

So, I recently went on a 10-day silent meditation retreat, and the Ego arises!

Spending 10 days in silence with only your mind as a companion gives the Ego a chance to play its games with you. Whether we are trying to do something new, or something challenging or whether someone else does something that irritates or ‘triggers’ us, the Ego grabs any opportunity to take charge. Often creating a lot of negativity and problems for us.

Two of the ways it does this is through what Vispassana meditation calls ‘Craving and Aversion’. Craving more of something – like pleasure, food, praise, status, money or power. Or being averse to or hating something – like a task, a person, an event, or situation. In either case the Ego wants things to be DIFFERENT from how they actually are. This is when we get dissatisfied or greedy, or when we blame or criticise. This came up on the retreat in all sorts of ways. Craving lunch while I was trying to meditate, wishing the person next to me would stop coughing!

I think we can all recognise our own Ego’s ‘Craving and Aversion’ in our everyday lives! You know – when someone else’s idea gets taken up and not your own, when your boss or friend disagrees with you, when your colleague gets promoted and you don’t, when we feel justified in blaming and complaining about a person or situation. When we want things to NOT be how they are and for things to go our way, to be how WE want them to be.

When our Ego leads us to ‘Craving and Aversion’ – it leaves us angry and anxious, unsettled and unhappy, sad and suffering. What’s more, your Ego blames others and the outside for the causes of your suffering. When in fact the suffering is IN YOU.

One of the clear teachings from the retreat was that while difficult people and situations continue to arise…YOU are 100% responsible for your response. It is not that you are responsible for the situation. But you ARE 100% responsible and accountable for your response. This doesn’t mean allowing others to walk over you. It does mean not being reactive and rather – CHOOSING your response. From a far more healthy, happy, creative, caring, positive and peaceful way of being.

Tip

The bad news is that Ego feeds on your anger, self-justification and defensiveness. The good news is that an unhealthy ego doesn’t know how to survive when you are open and curious. So next time you feel the heat of a difficult Ego reaction, take a breath, get curious and ask some questions 1. What’s my ego scared of and trying to defend right now? Your Ego won’t like being observed! 2. What might be going on for the other person? What does it feel like to be them? There is an English expression “Curiosity killed the cat” – it also kills the Ego!