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Apr 2, 2015

21 Ways To Consciously Create A Terrible Impact When Presenting

 

  1. Introduce your presentation by showing a wordy agenda slide while giving a 20-minute explanation of what you’ll be talking about during the next 25 minutes.
  2. Speak in a monotone, either extremely loudly or very, very softly.
  3. Speak in a monotone, either extremely slowly or very, very quickly.
  4. Continuously pace from side to side.
  5. Continuously move backwards and forwards.
  6. Continuously fiddle with the third finger of your left hand.
  7. Keep your hands clasped in front of you and below your waist.
  8. Try to say “um”, “erm” or “errr” between each sentence.
  9. Use lots of technical jargon and words no one will understand to make sure the audience feels intimidated, patronised and confused.
  10. Use clichés and jokes you’ve found on the internet.
  11. Use quotes from Ghandi, Churchill, Nelson Mandela or any other famous sayings featured on Brainyquote.com
  12. Tell the audience how amazingly, intelligent and successful you are.
  13. Put at least 20 bullet points on each slide and cram in some tiny, blurred pictures you pulled off Google images.
  14. Make sure you plug your book, products or services every 90 seconds.
  15. Never, ever structure, prepare or rehearse your presentation.
  16. Always read your presentation from cue cards.
  17. Always stand behind a lectern and read your presentation.
  18. Or if you’d prefer, stand to the far right of the stage and keep you back turned to the audience so you can focus on reading your slides.
  19. Under no circumstances should you make eye contact with your audience.
  20. Never, ever ask your audience a question.
  21. And finally – Make sure you don’t let the audience know when you’ve reached the end of your presentation.